The Class of 2017 Senior Awards

Elder High School Senior Awards Trophy

Elder High School Senior Awards Trophy

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The “Altiora” Award

This prestigious award goes to the Elder student that best represents what a man of Elder should be like. This student knows all the great qualities that we learned in our Building Catholic Character class, and also goes beyond the call of duty to help out in whatever activity they can around Elder

Nominees: Connor Sullivan, Paxton Kelly, Vince Feldman, Mark Klusman

Winner: Connor Sullivan

Connor Sullivan takes the cake when it comes to the “Altiora” award. He is a prime example of the Elder man. He is highly involved with just about everything there is to be involved in at Elder. Connor knows how to keep a healthy balance of school work, in school activities, and out of school activities. He has put the pedal to the metal this school year and that’s what the “Altiora” award is all about. Congrats Sully.

The “Rip Van Winkle” Award

This award is given to the student who can never seem to stay awake in class. The nominees all have been through Mr. Bell’s infamous hand sanitizer shower and also felt the fury of a Mr. Nie bricksheet. Each has their own story to why they can’t keep their eyes open but all of these guys aren’t afraid to put their heads down and take a quickie, no matter who the teacher is

Nominees: Zach Dehner, Sam Poli, Daniel Sizemore, Ryan Murphy, TiAriq Dailey

Winner: Sam Poli

This was a close race for the Rip Van Winkle award. Poli just happened to edge the rest of the competition. Sam has a special talent. This guy could be having a conversation with a teacher and somehow find a way to doze off. There is a lot more technique to it than you think. Sources say that Poli has been known to fall asleep in Mr. Tierney’s lifestyles class which is quite impressive. Good for you Poli, you deserved this more than anyone else.

The “Turtle Man” Award

This award is given to the biggest hillbilly at Elder. It’s actually impossible to have decent conversation with this person about anything other than fishing or shooting some sort of weapon. These are the types of guys that have confederate flags on their trucks and wear camo-style prom tuxedos.

Nominees: Jack Knolle, Logan Purvis, Nick Harris, Josh Harrison

Winner: Jack Knolle

I don’t think anyone fits this role more than Knolle. He lives for the all the way bent hat bill and muddin’ with his truck. I’m sure he is big into hunting as well, considering the amount of camo you can find in his wardrobe. Nothing fuels Jack more than flying around in the mud on his four-wheeler. He has all the attribute to be a great hick. Congrats Jack.

The “Tight Leash” Award

This award is given to the guy who can’t seem to lay off his significant other. Planning on asking this student to hangout on the weekends? Just forget about it, him and baby cakes have already had plans since last month. If it’s an emergency and you need to see this guy immediately, your best bet is probably to just take a trip over to his girl’s house, because he’s most likely over there helping her mother cook while also giving his girlfriend a foot massage.

Nominees: Adam Schwallie, Ryan Murphy, Kyle Service, Bryan McGrail

Winner: Adam Schwallie

There is nobody, and I mean NOBODY on a tighter leash than Adam Schwallie. I haven’t seen this guy out on the weekends since Jesus was born. The only time I can ever catch a glimpse of good ole Schwallie is on his girl’s snap story. You can’t deny the fact that his girlfriend is a looker, but c’mon dude. God forbid you come out once every three months to have a good time with your buds during your senior year. I love ya Schwallie, but c’mon.

The “Rogaine” Award

This award is given to the student who is damn near bald at the age of 18. His hairline is pushed way back to the point of no return. It’s sad to see it happen so such young men, but it’s also hilarious to watch. Jokes have been flying since freshman year and have shown any signs of stopping. Prayers to these poor souls who won’t have any hair by the time they are 21. All jokes aside, congrats on the accomplishment of winning the “Rogaine” award.

Nominees: Max Hofmeyer, Zach Lyons, Luke Temke, Matthew Carnes

Winner: Luke Temke

There are plenty of bad hairlines in this senior class, but Temke’s has to be the worst. No disrespect to this great guy but you, sir, do not have hair. If I were in your position, I would be trying just about every method in the book to get some more lettuce on my head.  Good luck to you and yours in the future. Luke, hope you find some hair along the way.

The “Flaherty’s Foe” Award

This award is given to the student who you may never have seen, but you definitely have heard the name. This guy is constantly being called down to see the ol’ Dean of Discipline after homeroom. Whether it’s too many absences or using Twitter as a weapon to ruin people’s lives, this student is almost always paddling Mr. Flaherty’s river upstream without a paddle. These guys are also used to having school six days a week, and aren’t even phased by a demerit slip

Nominees: Cameron Hoinke, Chris Klumb, Nick Sferazza, Kyle Wolfe

Winner: Nick Sferazza

We have some brave souls in this class that like to flirt with the rules of Elder. These students usually end up going toe to toe with the big bad Dean of discipline, Mr. Flaherty. It doesn’t matter how big, bad, and buff you are, you will always be on the losing end of Mr. Flaherty. Nick has been the one who has made it a habit to enter into the Dean’s office. He always leaves with his hands full of either demerits or bricksheets. I wouldn’t consider this award an honor but congrats, Sferazza.

The “Frank The Tank” Award

This award is given to the student who is known for chugging their morning milk. These guys can take in massive amounts of liquids. You can always see this person refilling their water bottle at least ten times a day. Whether it is milk, water, or apple juice, these nominees have an uncanny ability to open up their throat and let liquids flow.

Nominees: Cameron Hoinke, Austin O’Brien, Josh Masminster, Nick Niehaus

Winner: Cameron Hoinke

Cameron Hoinke is notorious for being able to down his apple juice. He always makes sure to stay hydrated at all hours of the day, especially on the weekends. Apple juice isn’t the only thing this big guy can chug. Put any type of beverage in front of him, and in a matter of seconds, its gone. Challengers have attempted to out chug big Hoink and he has shamed those gentlemen every single time. No one has managed to keep up with this guy when it comes to staying hydrated. Bright future ahead of this guy, congrats on the award slugger.

The “Goat House” Award

This award goes to the panther who steps up and has his brothers over the most. No matter the occasion, this guy is always in the group text rallying the troops to come over. If your this dude’s grandma you gotta hate the fact that your grandson has to have 20+ people over getting weird at your 70th birthday party. The Westside knows when they hear this person is having people over, its going to be a good night.

Nominees: Ron Larkin, Max Ernst, Austin O’Brien, Brandon Cole

Winner: Ron Larkin

Ronnie “body” Larkin is the first person everyone looks to when they want a good time on the weekends. His house has made more memories than any other house in our high school career. It doesn’t matter if we have been to Ron’s house four or five straight weekend, he is always willing to throw another get together. Not only are his good friends allowed over when he decides to host a social gathering, but the whole Westside is invited. When no one else can have people over, Larkin is always the go to because everyone knows he always pulls through. After this summer the “Goat House” will no longer be active, but the memories and great times we had there will always live on.

The “Matt Muir” Award

For those of you who have no pulse and have never seen the instant classic Superbad, you probably no clue what this award means. During a conversation between the two main characters, Seth and Evan, they’re discussing a girl’s dating record, and one of the guys happens to be a fellow named Matt Muir. Seth says, “Matt Muir, he’s the sweetest guy ever. Have you ever looked into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles.”

“This award is given to the student who is the overall sweetest, most caring guy in the hallways. No matter how terrible you are as a person, this guy will be there to comfort you and lend you a helping hand.”

Nominees: Joey Reiter, Jake Mulligan, Liam Conway, Zach Fries

Winner: Joey Reiter

Joey Reiter, also known as the purple man, is a perfect fit for this award. He never hesitates to lend a helping hand at any hour of the day. Joe always manages to put others before himself. He does not have one mean bone in his entire body. He does absolutely nothing wrong and is always complimenting you on something you did, good or bad. There is no one better for this award than Joey, congrats big guy.

The “Cloud 9” Award

This award goes to the student who is never truly in it. This guy always seems to be lost in the clouds, and you never really know what’s going on through their mind. These guys absolutely thrive on being lost in the clouds, and will do anything, no matter what important event is going on, to get to the clouds. The nominees for this award have all found their own special way of getting to the clouds, and if you ever wonder if they are in the clouds or not, they probably are.

Nominees: John Rokich, Collin Scheiner, Dylan Cunningham, Tyler Jackson, Johnny Short

Winner: John Rokich

This was a tough one to decide but good ole’ Rokich prevailed in this race. It’s hard to have an educated conversation with this guy, especially on the weekends. His head always seems to be somewhere else, somewhere where nobody can reach. John is always floating up in the clouds, no matter what time of the day it is. You want to ask John a question? Forget about it, his mind is so far gone in his thoughts that you can even squeeze an answer out of him. He is well deserving of this award. No one fits the category quite like you John Jack, congrats.

The “Nick Swardson” Award

This award goes to the student who is perceived as the traditional “class clown.” Many people can tell themselves that they are funny, but these guys have a unique way to spread their comedy throughout the entire classroom. The bottom line is these kids just enjoy having a good time. They thrive on getting the laughs and energy from their classmates/teachers, and can put a smile on anybody’s face.

Nominees:  Cameron Hoinke, Brad Simonson, Dashawn Strong- Mosley, Mitch Gibbs

Winner: Mitch Gibbs

Mitch Gibbs blows the competition out of the water for this award. He is the goofiest guy out there. He never fails to put smiles on people’s faces when they see him. Gibbs finds a way to make just about every situation laughable. When times are tough or you’re feeling down, look to this kid to cheer you up in the blink of an eye. He has a creative sense of humor that no one can match. These kind of guys only come around once every few years, I’m glad we were fortunate enough to witness greatness. Congratulations Mr. Gibbs.

The “Rapunzel” Award

This award goes to the student who has the best looking head of hair. If you see them in the hallways, they’re always grooming and touching their lettuce in order to get it in the perfect position. If you think you’re going to catch this guy having a bad hair day, you’re dead wrong. This cat doesn’t leave his house unless his hair is bot styling and profiling. Some of the nominees have been grooming themselves to look like 007 for years now, others it might be a newly found tradition, but no matter what, these guys love their look.

Nominees: Daniel McSwigan, Lucas Downey, Connor Lane, Luke Newell

Winner: Daniel McSwigan

Talk about a head of hair, Daniel McSwigan has the thickest flow in the game. As Mr. Flaherty would say, “That’s a nice set of lettuce on your head.” Swigs went from the classic buzz cut, to winning the “Rapunzel” award. What an amazing stretch of four years for Daniel. Him and his hair went out with a bang his senior year. An untouchable flow to say the least.

The “Sasquatch” Award

This award goes to the student who has the most-wicked facial hair. We all despise being told to shave, but for these kids it’s an everyday struggle. If you’re a nominee for this award, you absolutely hate having Mr. Nie as a teacher, and often have multiple bricksheets to do every week. They also have a sweet amount of chest hair that they love to show off. If they’re wearing a button down shirt, look for them to be letting their chest breathe a little more than usual.

Nominees: Tim Doren, Nick Bianco, Anthony Meisberger, Sam Otten

Winner: Tim Doren

This award was a footrace to the finish. All these nominees are very hairy, but Tim Doren is probably the hairiest dude of our generation.  From wrist to ankle, Tim is covered with the fur of an orangutan.  He shaves in the morning and has a full Mr. Klusman-style beard by the time he’s finished eating lunch.  He is in all AP and Honors classes, but he doesn’t even carry books in his back pack.  Open up the L.L. Bean and all you can find is Bic razors, shaving cream, and juice boxes to help with his Diabetes.

The “Tiger Woods” Award

We all can look back on Tiger Woods who was attacked by the media and have a nice laugh, but the nominees for this award tear up. This award goes to the student who isn’t afraid to either venture out of their current relationship to get to know different women. Tiger Woods is the hero of the nominees of this award, but these guys pray they don’t end up like Tiger did.

Nominees: Max Ernst, Nino Salamone, Collin Scheiner, Mike Dirksing, Johnny Short

Winner: Max Ernst

I think I speak for everyone when I say that Max Ernst was born for this award. He won this thing by a landslide. Maxwell does indeed know how to treat a lady. He likes to keep everyone on their toes, he knows a few wildcards. He will take anyone to dinner. So when you walk in a party and see Ernst posted up, make sure to keep a close eye on your girl because although he might not be Cameron Hoinke, he is still a pretty good professor finesser.

The “Meg Griffin” Award

This one doesn’t need much of a description. Meg Griffen is not very well liked in the famous show Family Guy so…… you get the point.

Nominees: Michael Groh, Cole Carle, Logan Cox, Joe Brockmann, Zach Lyons

Winner: Michael Groh

Groh walks into a party and you can hear every person in attendance release a sigh of disappointment.  The bolder Groh-haters even give out a classic “boo” or “get Groh out of here.”  He doesn’t make it any easier on himself when he cuts off his thumb at Bridgetown Finer Meats, or when he spouts his obnoxious catchphrase: “Groh up.”  It’s all in good fun, Groh, we promise.

 

The Hog Award

The Hog Award goes to the man from the country who always seems to be getting in altercations.  After getting punched in the face, he might have a huge lip, but that’s when he thrives.  A big lip is nothing to phase the winner, because he is simply the most rugged man at Elder.  He might as well live in the forest, among the winter green trees.

Nominees: Cameron Hoinke, Logan Purvis, Brian Pfaffinger, Adam Doerger

Winner: Logan Purvis

Logan Purvis is a country-man.  He’s comfortable both in the classroom, or on the race track.  Logan’s got those big lips were talking about, since he never backs down from a challenge.  Being the country man that he is, he’s always chasing enormous hogs and ripping enormous lips.

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