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Green eggs and gut

Presenting Dad Connolly

The legend of the gut on a young dad

The legend of the gut on a young dad

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Have you ever wondered what it would be like to look like a Dad at such a young age? If so, the man to talk to is roaming the same halls at Elder as you are. The student to go to is Michael “gut” Connolly.

Mike Connolly has the most extraordinary gut ever. Mike is called gut for one reason and one reason only. The story of how Michael’s gut became is very interesting and somewhat impressive. The gut is just a part of him now.

This all began in the midst of sophomore year. At baseball one-day Carmine noticed Mike had something nearly popping through his shirt and it was his stomach. Later on I came up with the nickname Gut and it has stuck with him to this day.

As Gut said, “It’s been a progression from freshman year from being fit and normal to the “Dad Bod.” Mike does own up to having a gut, and is not happy about it. The cause of his gut according to the man himself, is mainly eating habits.

Mike said, “I used to go home after school freshman year and eat a donut every day and from there it just kept getting bigger.” His constant stubble, double chin, and the bod itself are the straight dad features. He said who does not love a good dad bod?

The real word on the gut is if it is staying or going home. I asked Mike and he said, “Gut is soon going to be gutless.” His ways of losing it are one hundred percent inspired from coach Rankin’s nutritional habits. These really inspired Mike to lose what “weighs him down.”

The Gut in full affect

I am very happy for Mike and I really hope that he stays with this attitude to rid of the gut. Carmine explains that Mike is simply called gut due to his rounded symmetrical GUT. Carm also sits next to him at lunch and explained how Gut visits the lunch line approximately three times a day.

His first visit is a chicken breast and chocolate milk, second is his bag of Doritos, and third is his two cookies. In Carmines words, “His dad features are his gut, beard, and luscious hair. Carmine does not see the gut leaving anytime soon.

Another important opinion is Kory Klingenbeck’s due to playing baseball with Gut. Kory said, “The smaller the shirt, the bigger it gets.” He also stated that he feels as if it gets bigger every day. Kory is low key very intimated by the gut and feels like it’s always looking at him.

I also got some hatred quotes from several students towards Mike’s gut, so I am assuming the gut will be used for intimidation. Joseph Catania dramatically said, “Mike’s gut is the thirteenth wonder of the world.” Joseph also said “that it should be in a museum. Joseph’s sees Mike as a younger Peter Griffin.

Jack Telles expressed his thoughts with very few, but powerful words. He said, “Stay away from waffle house.” This is one of Gut’s most visited restaurants! Johnny Ditullio explained how his lack of pectoral muscle extremely points out the “intimidating organism” and how a beach ball is equivalent to the gut.

It really comes down to one question… Will the gut go?

 

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About the Writer
Zack Williams '20, Staff Writer

10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain is 100% reason to remember the name-ZDUB-ZACK WILLIAMS....WHATCHA NAME! ELECTRIC...

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Green eggs and gut