Advice from the master

Fellow Journalism rookies can learn tips from a veteran like the author.

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Daniel Mellilo is new to the world of Journalism and his first quarter in Dr. Gary Rogers’ school of Journalism has reflected that. His first quarter of writing has been full of ups and downs. Well, actually it really has been full of only downs and one up and that is a stretch.

DJ has a staff profile picture, but just barely. (taken from Quill site; art by Tyler Macenko)

He transferred into this class hoping to have a nice relaxed time, but was unpleasantly surprised when he realized that you actually have to write stories and they are graded. Before Friday March 15th the last day of the quarter, He has only turned in one story of the over ten that were assigned. DJ came to me for advice to what he should do to get his grade up to a passing mark and I told him I would teach him the ways of a capital J journalist.

Say, not do

My first lesson with DJ was quick I told him to do not what I do, but what I say. This is a very important lesson because like him I do not like turning in articles like that of a capital J journalist.

Finger speed

My second lesson was about finger speed. This lesson can be taught in only one way and that is to play Tetris on level 10. This was the most physically demanding lesson because I made him play until he could achieve 30 lines on Tetris. He never did achieve this but once he started crying, I gave in and moved on to the next lesson.

Focus

My third lesson with DJ was on focus. I taught this by playing embarrassing videos of him I have collected over my four years at this great high school while he played the snake game and had to get 500 blocks before he could stop. Although he never accomplished this level I let him stop when he started crying yet again.

Explanation

My fourth lesson and most important lesson was on explanation. More specifically how to explain to your parents you failed journalism. This takes time and effort first you have to start doing small things around the house. The next step is start complaining about how mean your teacher is and how you try really hard, but he doesn’t give you good grades. And then wait until they confront you about it and start crying. This is bulletproof if you follow it directly.

With all that said some people are not meant to be journalists and DJ is one of those. Even following my four steps to becoming a capital J journalist, he still managed to be a terrible writer.

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