Byrne has a goatee

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Will Austing ’19

More stories from Will Austing '19

The big hunt
April 17, 2019

Aidan Byrne's new ability to grow facial hair

Aidan Byrne is now capable of growing a goatee: feel old yet?

Aidan Byrne has proven his skeptics wrong and flaunted all-natural facial hair for all to see.  Now, a lack of facial hair isn’t uncommon and it doesn’t make you better any better or worse than people who don’t lack it.  But when it comes to Aidan Byrne, greatness is just an expectation.  He is great at all sorts of things, but his Achilles heel was actually his chin.  Many of Byrne’s friends began to lose faith in the idea that he’d grow facial hair, but now faith is restored.

The Great Khal Drogo

Kevin Garnett’s Goatee

Now Byrne’s facial hair wasn’t as admirable as that of the great Khal Drogo, or even Kevin Garnett, but we need to account for the fact that Byrne is only an up-and-comer.  And nobody is even capable of procuring such an honorable piece of art anyway.  So, when comparing Aidan’s goatee to others, we should keep things in perspective.

When I first spotted the hair I was taken back a little.  It was almost as if it grew overnight and brought about a new swagger in Aidan.  This confidence is positively carrying over into his academic life and baseball performance, according to those close to Aidan.  He even received approval from the only person whose opinion matters: his girlfriend (remains nameless).  My online research indicated that chicks aren’t too fond of goatees, but Byrne’s lady friend told me, “The patch on his chin did not define his masculinity, but it did boost his self-confidence, so I would say it was an all-around positive experience”  It’s great to see such a strong support system around this great kid.

As for Aidan himself, he remains humble in his success.  He says, “Everyone is making this a big deal, but I have been able to grow facial hair since freshman year.”  His character shows through this sense of humility.  He even achieved this success the right way: naturally.  “I have never partook in artificial supplements to enhance my hair growth”, explained Aidan.  He further stated that even his muscular physique was achieve through all natural methods.

This hunk seems to have his life in order: he’s the epitome of Elder’s Altiora.  He admits that he is more self-confident in the halls and that he doesn’t seek recognition from others for this goatee.  After all, the lion does not concern himself with the opinions of the sheep.

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