Mystery Machine

To kickoff the 90 th year anniversary of Elder, Junior Derek Schlarmann came rolling into the parking lot driving a nice, shiny pearly green truck. Wait…did we say beautiful and pearly green? Sorry, we meant to say it’s rusty,dirty, contains a wasp nest, and sports a nice Confederate flag truck. But hey, let’s not look at the bad. I mean,this car does have an upside. It has a wicked train horn that lets you know he’s gunnin’ for you. But that’s not all, this car gets a solid 16 miles to the gallon, as long as it can make it 16 miles. It even has a booming sound system that will have all the people on Glenway turning their heads – a nice portable, battery operated radio that sits on the dashboard. If you are critical of his purchase, you are not alone. His mother is still scratching her head and probably still a bit disappointed with his transaction. One sunny day, Schlarmann spotted a pickup sitting unused in his neighbor’s yard and hejust had to have it. Five hundred dollars later the truck was his. In fact, Schlarmann told us, “I had to hide it in my grandpa’s woods so my mom wouldn’t find out.” Well, his mom found out, and Derek recalls her saying, “If it comes to my house, I’m kicking you out.” She didn’t stick to her guns though, and Derek was able to bring his prized purchase home. In fact, the truck is still kickin’ to this day, and it has some nice touches added to it. One thing in particular might stand out. You see, Derek never “flies” solo, he is always rolling with a nice white goosethat is duct taped to the back as his copilot. It recently fell off, but not to worry, he simply re-taped it to the back. But this truck is not just a truck.Venture into the bed, whip out the folding lawn chairs and enjoy the scenery as you converse with your friends. Derek had some surprises though when he bought it. Days after the purchase while driving he noticed multiple wasps flying in the car. He freaked out and almost drove off the road. When he finally got to his destination, he found a giant wasps’ nest in the glove compartment. Now the compartment is just a hole straight to the floor. Well,whether you believe in love at first sight or not, we would argue that this was such a case. Derek bought the car and has never looked back…well, except to make sure the back of his truck is still there, as the cab does sit on 2x4s. Keep your eyes peeled for this beautiful piece of metal strolling around the campus, just try not to drool as you, too, may fall in love.