Jake’s Rage Cage

Recently, my friends and I discovered something extraordinary… Big Jake’s rage cage. This Cage was used to protect the family’s most delicious snacks from Big Jake. The cage had all kinds of Little Debbie’s and candy bars. When we first walked in, we approached the cage with caution because everybody knows not to mess with Jake and his Little Debbie’s. Chris Mattress thought it would be funny to hide the cage so he tried to pick it up, but was tackled and trampled by big Jake. Jake’s size 16 shoe left imprints on little Mattress’s 2×1 torso. Chris said, “I’ve done many crazy things in life, but I will never come between Jake and his food again. To him, a can of cheddar cheese Pringles is worth more than my life”. I asked Jake why he protects his snacks with such passion. He said, “I think of my food as a quarterback. I protect them by any means necessary!” So we made Jake a deal. We all agreed to share the snacks if Mike Schroer broke the lock with his ginormous calves, but Jake had to promise not to hurt Chris. After Mike cracked the lock, Jake scooped all the snacks and locked himself in the bathroom. We knew there was no chance of getting them back, so we left his house.