Where are they now?

Where are they n ow? Danny Murphy ‘12 Throughout the course of this school year, The Quill has had many first-class journalists. I, along with others, had the pleasure of joining this staff for the second semester of the year. The sad part is that in order to have new students enter some students had to leave the exuberant seventh period class. I haven’t thought much about these guys since I joined, but I have heard rumors involving their lives after journalism. A staggering twelve writers had to leave for the start of the final semester this year. I decided to do some investigative reporting on the subject of where exactly these men went. The twelve missing scribes are as follows: Max Beckham, William “Billy” Couch, Eric Deuber, Kevin “Helmsanity” Helmers, Tommy Mazza, Marc McGeorge, Ryan “Coors” Morman, Connor Moulden, Mike Paff, Tyler “Nie” Qunell, Seb Steege, and Andrew Welch. All of these gentlemen took off like Godar on a Monday. We haven’t heard or seen much of them, but we have heard some quite entertaining rumors involving just where they might be. Max Beckham and Eric Deuber have been rumored to have left together. They now go by the alias “The Meatballs”. They are rarely seen in public, but when they are it’s usually tearing up the soccer pitch. The latest we heard they’ve been hanging with David Beckham (Max’s distant relative) making Super Bowl underwear commercials, but that hasn’t been verified. William Couch apparently had his “gears grinded” one too many times. He was seen trying to start a protest between Elder and Seton to break up the morning rendezvous between the all-too-familiar love birds. After being run off by the power of teenage love, he headed for the hills. No one has seen him since his passionate protest. The next two guys to up and leave the staff were Thomas Mazza and Ryan Morman. Apparently, like Deuber and Beckham, these two scoundrels ran off together. They have been spotted in Clifton in the past couple months partying with several college friends and fitting right in. Ryan is supposedly living with his close friend, Sean Kilpatrick. Tom has been rumored to be filling Hot Sauce’s void on the new traveling “AND 1” mixtape team. Thomas now goes by the alias “The Savage”. If you spot them, friends and family are offering a reward to anyone who can bring them home. Kevin Helmers is quite the inspirational story. After departing from his estate on Quailhill, he headed to OSU to get an early start on his campus life. He has become quite the campus legend. Apparently those who associate with him on weekends have experienced the some of the greatest moments of their lives when out with him. One student at the school, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “Helmers has created a nightlife that even Charlie Sheen would be intimidated by. Students are calling this phenomenon “Helmsanity”. They’re even making T-shirts that come with each purchase over $5 at Taco Bell. Connor Moulden took off for the Florida sun. He was last heard from in an inspirational blog in which he apologized to all the broken hearted girls he left behind. Most were surprised Moulden was still at home at 7PM, because by then he’s usually a few sprites deep down at the local diner. He’s rumored to be trying out a collaboration with Timeflies Tuesday on a new album. Marc McGeorge is residing in Las Vegas doing a ballet routine on Friday nights to earn a few extra bucks. He met a sweet girl named Natalie Lytte and took her hand in marriage. He has been working on his writing abilities and we have received word he is actually writing his own articles now. Ballet has got him pretty fit and he’s down to a measly 125 pounds. Marc seems to be genuinely happy in his new life, but no one will forget the big Marc we used to know. Tyler Qunell has headed to Riddle University to earn his degree in riddling. Apparently he was quit unsure about his calling in life, until he solved Mr. Nie’s window riddle. Out of the surplus of seniors in the tough pre-calculus class; Tyler was the only one who found out that the solution was to “turn the window” instead of adding the simpler, more efficient curtains. He plans to return to Elder in 2023 to challenge Mr. Nie to a riddle battle. Michael Paff jumped into his green car and headed Bick’s Driving School where he will soon take over the reins. Mike looks to transform Bick’s into a worldwide phenomenon. He already has talked to several people in Ecuador who are interested in learning how to drive. Colleen will not be helping out in the venture, but she does wish Mike the best of luck. Steege and Welch have taken off for Mexico. Welch was far too fed up with his job at Larosa’s and decided to take off south of the border. Along with Welch, Steege disappeared in a puff of smoke! The last we heard they were wanted men. Supposedly they have been on a burglary rampage. The reward on each of their heads is 15 pesos. Often they rob stores together, but Seb was seen single-handedly hitting Uncle Rico’s joint in Los Sanito’s, getting away with the entire safe. This solo sighting may mean Andrew has hung up his crowbar and ski mask. I don’t think it’d be crazy to see Andrew back in the States before the end of June. Seb, well, I think he’ll remain on the “most wanted list” for a long time. He has always been a step ahead of the game. The truth is; once you leave The Quill , it isn’t crazy to believe you’ll never be the same. The ideas Mr. Rogers slams into the heads of his students call for quite the unique mindset. I wouldn’t be surprised if this current class all turns into partiers like Helmers and Mazza, or Bonnie and Clyde like Welch and Seb. We entered this class as boys and we’re headed out like a pack of wolves; roaming Price Hill looking for stri.. well, never mind. Just remember, what happens in journalism never stays in journalism.