Elder’s Best Bathrooms

Every Elder student has faced the conundrum of which bathroom to use, and that’s about to change. All the bathrooms at Elder are nice and all, but some are “nicer” than others. Some bathrooms here at this wonderful establishment have their own certain smells and quirks to them that make it a better environment to relieve one’s self. Sadly some of the bathrooms around this school are not an extremely swell place to relieve one’s bodily needs. Possibly the worst bathroom to use in all of the school is the wrestling locker room. The locker room boasts two urinals, one small stall, one sink, with three hand dryers, two paper towel dispensers, and one pungent smell. What is odd in the locker room is that it has the least amount of sinks in it, but for some odd reason it has the most devices to dry one’s hands. The smell in the locker room could make the most congested nose unclogged with its hair curling odor. Overall the locker room bathroom is given a big ol’ grade of F-. “The locker room just stinks, man, I mean it’s not a fun place to be in,” said senior bathroom expert Brian Fohl. Now there is another bathroom that almost beat out the locker room, but this particular bathroom got second worst. The bathroom outside the cafeteria is receiving the second worst honors. First off, the bathroom just smells, possibly from all the students with their mid-day appointments with the stalls during lunch. Now the schematics of the bathroom are not good, it is small and there are not many urinals so one can’t utilize the “every other” maneuver, which is crucial. Now an upside of the bathroom is also a downside of the bathroom. The upside is if it is stinking in the bathroom there is a window to air it out, the negative is that the window is ground level, so privacy is slightly threatened. Sadly the café bathroom is receiving a D+, now that’s a passing grade, but not by much. The second and third floor bathrooms are almost identical. They are pretty much identical in all cosmetic and aroma type qualities. I mean they smell fine, not great, but fine. They came in a tie for second place for one reason, there are 10 urinals. These 10 urinals make it so that people can pull off the every other maneuver with ease. These two bathrooms are worthy of receiving a B- grade, which is extremely respectable. The best bathroom any Panther can use on campus is unanimously the Schaeper Center bathroom. This bathroom’s pluses outweigh the negatives by nearly 10 to 1. The only drawback of the bathroom is that the sink area is for some odd reason always covered in water, but that doesn’t really matter. Now there aren’t as many urinals in this bathroom, but that is actually okay. People worried about using the every other maneuver in the bathroom don’t have to worry about it anymore because there are dividers between each urinal. Other key factors in this bathroom are, for starters this bathroom was constructed in this century and second it smells great. “I always make my way to the Schaeper Center bathroom. It’s clearly the best of them all, the stall space is amazing too” said senior Schaeper Center bathroom frequenter Sam Weddle. This bathroom receives an A. the only detail keeping this bathroom from receiving a perfect score is the sink area, which needs only to be dried up. So if any of you Panthers out there are in need of some mid-day “relief” make the trip to the Schaeper Center, it’s well worth the walk.