The ups and downs of Elder hair

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Sean O'Conner's 15 minute hairstyle

At Elder High School, there are many different styles of people. Whether it is clothes, shoes, sports, or hair, there is a plethora of different styles. Most notably, the hair of Elder.

Elder has a variety of hair styles. Are they good or bad? Well let’s find out.

Here at Elder, you can find it all among students and faculty when it comes to hair. Lets start with the bad.

Nate Wright

Nate has a lot going wrong for him sadly. Nate is known for is atrocious hair line, and that is pretty much the sole reason he made this list. His terrible hair line makes his hair look like a hot mess. Nate told me that he knows you has bad hair, and expects to use Rogaine in the future to see if that helps his cause. Sad to say Nate, I don’t think it’s going to help you. It seems that his hair gets pushed back further and further as the weeks go on, while his forehead gets bigger and bigger. Nate I hope the best for you, and may the hair gods bless you with good fortune in the near future.

Zeno Perry

Now Zeno is a shoe in for bad hair. His horrendous combination of thin hair and a bad hair line do him no justice. Luckily, during football season his head is covered by a helmet, but when his head is seen without one, wow it is a terrible sight. Zeno knows that he has a bad head of hair. “I get it from my dad. So I guess ive been cursed.” Indeed you have Zeno. Luckily for Zeno, his hairline isn’t as bad as Nate’s, but his thin hair does not help his cause. There is no doubt in my mind Zeno will be bald by his early twenties. Keep that helmet on Zeno, that’s all we ask.

Nick Maurer

Now, I’m not one to judge, but Nick’s hair is something else. The combination of the bright orange color and the “ I have no idea what to do” haircut just isn’t a good look. Sadly for Maurer, he believes he has a good head of hair. My friend and fellow Quill member, Wyatt Albers, broke the sad truth to Maurer that his hair, in fact, it bad. We have no idea what he is trying to do with it. It has no rhythm or “flow” as we like to say. It’s just kind of there, no really making a factor. For most people, the hair is the most important looking thing in a man’s appearance. For Nick, something needs to change. Thankfully, he told me he plans on getting a buzz soon. Good idea Nick, good idea.

Now as these kids are just three of many poor hairstyles of Elder, let’s look at the positives of Elder High School.

Mr. Dickman

When you hear this man’s name, the first thing you think of is his immaculate beard. That is exactly why he has made this list of good hair at Elder. Mr. Dickman has, by far, the best beard in Elder history. Every kid that goes through Old Testament leaves that class saying, “Man I wish I had a beard like that.” This shows how much his good hair has impacted kids. Surprisingly, his beard is self-trimmed. This is surprising because of how perfectly shaven it is. It is like someone sculpted it out of God’s image himself. When asked if he has any hair inspirations Mr. Dickman replied with, “Obi-wan Kenobi and Jeremiah Johnson.” For those who don’t know who they are, well then you know nothing about Mr. Dickman. I believe there is no question that Mr. Dickman is one of the greatest hair icons of Elder history.

Mr. Klusman

All men of Elder had to know that Mr. Klusman would make the list. His long hair and long beard combo is just out of this world. His ability to look like a real life Moses is what makes this man so special. His look, along with his infinite wisdom, is what makes this man one of the best. His pure white hair just adds an extra flare to his look. If you don’t agree with me on this one, then you can get lost because Mr. Klusman is by far one of the greatest of all time in the category of hair. For him, the man in the mirror, is truly and honestly the best and most beautiful answers.

Sean O’Conner

This junior, is noted and agreed upon as having the best hair of Elder. It seems to me that this kid’s hair is always looking good. For baseball players, most people experience hat hair. Sean O’Conner? No. This kid’s hair stays the same all the time. He is a hair expert. He told me and I quote, “I spend close to 15 to 20 minutes on my hair each morning.” If that doesn’t scream dedication, then I don’t know what does. Sean, unlike most of us, has many different hair styles. He can rock the short, clean cut look, or the long, do whatever it wants look. This kid’s hair is remarkable to say the least. If anyone needs tips, come to Sean. To add to my point of the best hair of Elder, Sean told me that his hair inspiration is the legend himself, Mr. Dickman. Real recognizes real.

You can agree with this list or not, I don’t care. But to me, these are the best and worst hair of Elder. For those who made the list under the bad, don’t lose hope yet. There is still time to change. For the three men who made the list as the best of the best, keep it up. You guys are what keeps this place going. Keep growing, and keep inspiring. Hair growers of the Elder community look up to you.

Other Notables: Bryce Martin and his girl hair, Daniel Ginn and his long hair, and Danny Nieman and his “boring” hair and huge head.